Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
