Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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