i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
