I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
