We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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