if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
