forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
