so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
