hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Terrible idea I love it
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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