I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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