but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
