if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
