I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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