She said her name was "party"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
