its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
