So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
