Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
