there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
