My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize