ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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