fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize