Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
