He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
