he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
