Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Panties = found
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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