Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
