Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
