He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
