There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
