I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
