Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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