After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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