I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize