Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
