I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
