my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
