So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
