# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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