Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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