sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
