just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize