The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
