Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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