I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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