i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize