It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
