We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
