I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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