we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize