he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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