I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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