You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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