Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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