Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
