do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
