I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
