My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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