remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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