i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
