just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
