my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
