god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
