it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
