FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
