Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
