how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
