the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You dont lie about slip and slides
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize