how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
