he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
and you fell through a lawn chair
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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