my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
