Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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