You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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