y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize