I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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